The mother/newborn bonding relationship is crucial for the survival of the baby, a newborn baby is born completely dependent on it’s caregiver (usually the mother) and without such, it will not survive. Following birth, the levels of oxytocin – the love drug or ‘bonding’ chemical is released to raise the mothers maternal behaviour to encourage nurturing and nourishment (there are other reasons too, see below). Most hospitals practice skin-to-skin and  as soon as the baby is born a midwife will place the her on the mother’s chest to bond.

So what about the dads? Following the initial bonding of mum and baby – the best possible way for dads to encourage the release of oxytocin in their own body is to rip that top off and hold your baby skin to skin. Dads who do this are known to be calmer and temporarily have lower levels of testosterone and more importantly form deeper connections with their newborn babies.

I’m sure if you were paying attention during those antenatal classes you would have heard about oxytocin, it is released during childbirth to cause uterine contractions, during breastfeeding to stimulate the let-down of milk, during touch and lovemaking. It is believed that mums who breastfeed their babies are more primed than bottle feeding mums to be calmer and form deeper bonds with their babies because of the constant skin to skin  contact and oxytocin from breastfeeding.

It is often the mum who has physically and emotionally gone through the pregnancy, birth and is recovering from one or other or both. For dads to adjust to this new period in their lives they must too be given the skills and the first and best skill is skin to skin contact and the continuation of it to ensure those levels of oxytocin remain and continue to encourage the bond with your baby – infact do it whenever possible!

A Postpartum Doula can be a great source of support for dads too, she can check in with dad to see how he is feeling – because postpartum depression happens to dads too. She can give dad advice on how best to support his partner – making sure she gets enough rest, food, and has a drink whenever she is feeding. How to confidently bath, wear and change the baby. Put a load of laundry on, make a nice meal, take the baby for a walk, wear the baby, share the parenting, share the late nights. I can remember one of the best things we did when our first born came was for me to sleep just after the last feed time – say 7 or 8 and then my partner would wake me when the baby woke up at say 10 or 11 – that stretch of sleep I think saved my sanity in those early days.

Society should be supporting and encouraging dads and giving them the information, tricks and tools that they need in order to thrive as a new parent, let’s stop taking the power away from men and then criticising them for not stepping up to the plate.